Congratulations
to a Phenomenal Woman
Not everyone is
cut from the same cloth but that does not say that you have to succumb to what
society says your cloth is. You can change your lifestyle and what would
normally be the norm in your society beginning with yourself. Here is my story!
Growing up in a
Single Parent home, I did not understand what it meant. I did not know what a
father was, or that kids had one of those. (Laughs) I remember in primary
school around father’s day we would have to make cards, my card would always go
to my mother without further thought. I respect my mother’s choice back then to
not talk about my father due to the harsh situation that involved the
relationship between him and my mother and not wanting to be a part of my life
then. She saved me a lot of stress and heart ache for a dad that would never
care about me.
Being a product
of a Single parent home, as I look back meant that we had struggles for money
and necessities. My mother placed her life on hold and ensured that I was
brought up with dignity and respect in my community. I remember days when we
did not have enough to go by and she would feed me and remain undone. When I
went to school, or anywhere, nobody would have a clue that we did not have
enough, because she would always have me neat and well put together. I can
never disrespect her or not love her unconditionally for the undying love she
bestowed towards me being our sole provider.
My father, or as
I often refer to him now “sperm donor” showed up on our door step for the first
time in my life at fifteen years of age. My step-sister grandfather had died
and he used the opportunity to come back to Trinidad on visit. He resided and
still resides in Brooklyn, New York. I was speechless when I saw him and ran
away in shock because he was the splitting image of me in a male form, and
although I never physically saw him I knew who he was. I hid for about an hour and realized that my
nightmare was real because he sat like nobody’s business chatting with my aunt.
I came out and he acted like he was the best man since whenever, I was always a
no bullshit type of kid so I read through him, he waited for my mother to come
home and asked her for me to come meet my step-sister at the wake. After he
left Trinidad, I am now twenty-five and I am yet to see him again. We do not
have a cordially relationship because he cannot accept his wrongs, apologize
and now that I am an adult move forward. I will not stand for anyone
disrespecting my mother to make them look good.
My mother
continued to struggle as being the sole provider for us. She would always tell
me, “with an education, nobody can ever take it away from you, and our only way
out of this poverty is with an education.” That motto transcended in me, although
whilst I was younger I did not quite understand it and rebelled a bit; I never
made her shame and always vowed to make her proud. She is my rock and my role model because
whilst taking care of me she still did her CXC O’level subjects on the side and
got a proper job as a Supplemental Police. If was not for her strength, and
her ability to fight against the odds, and stand for what was right, I could
have been a victim of my environment. I could have been what society expected,
maybe with a teenage pregnancy, illiteracy or being dependant on a man or
society.
Many people have
stigma against children growing up in single parent homes, and believe that
they cannot do as great as those growing up with both parents. But once the
parent has that drive like my colleague Oliva Andrews to make a difference in
your generation and ensure that cycle does not repeat itself, I know it would
be a better tomorrow. I see women who are in these situations as phenomenal
beings, because it takes greater strength and spirituality to rise above.
Bless
Throughout the year, we are all busy with work, and school and
other hectic schedules, but making time for the people around you should have
no excuses. Taking the time to show love, care, kindness and appreciation in
little ways can go a long way. Do not make your world all about
you and disregard the people around you.
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