Congratulations

to a Phenomenal Woman

Not everyone is cut from the same cloth but that does not say that you have to succumb to what society says your cloth is. You can change your lifestyle and what would normally be the norm in your society beginning with yourself. Here is my story!

Growing up in a Single Parent home, I did not understand what it meant. I did not know what a father was, or that kids had one of those. (Laughs) I remember in primary school around father’s day we would have to make cards, my card would always go to my mother without further thought. I respect my mother’s choice back then to not talk about my father due to the harsh situation that involved the relationship between him and my mother and not wanting to be a part of my life then. She saved me a lot of stress and heart ache for a dad that would never care about me.

Being a product of a Single parent home, as I look back meant that we had struggles for money and necessities. My mother placed her life on hold and ensured that I was brought up with dignity and respect in my community. I remember days when we did not have enough to go by and she would feed me and remain undone. When I went to school, or anywhere, nobody would have a clue that we did not have enough, because she would always have me neat and well put together. I can never disrespect her or not love her unconditionally for the undying love she bestowed towards me being our sole provider.

My father, or as I often refer to him now “sperm donor” showed up on our door step for the first time in my life at fifteen years of age. My step-sister grandfather had died and he used the opportunity to come back to Trinidad on visit. He resided and still resides in Brooklyn, New York. I was speechless when I saw him and ran away in shock because he was the splitting image of me in a male form, and although I never physically saw him I knew who he was.  I hid for about an hour and realized that my nightmare was real because he sat like nobody’s business chatting with my aunt. I came out and he acted like he was the best man since whenever, I was always a no bullshit type of kid so I read through him, he waited for my mother to come home and asked her for me to come meet my step-sister at the wake. After he left Trinidad, I am now twenty-five and I am yet to see him again. We do not have a cordially relationship because he cannot accept his wrongs, apologize and now that I am an adult move forward. I will not stand for anyone disrespecting my mother to make them look good.

My mother continued to struggle as being the sole provider for us. She would always tell me, “with an education, nobody can ever take it away from you, and our only way out of this poverty is with an education.” That motto transcended in me, although whilst I was younger I did not quite understand it and rebelled a bit; I never made her shame and always vowed to make her proud.  She is my rock and my role model because whilst taking care of me she still did her CXC O’level subjects on the side and got a proper job as a Supplemental Police. If was not for her strength, and her ability to fight against the odds, and stand for what was right, I could have been a victim of my environment. I could have been what society expected, maybe with a teenage pregnancy, illiteracy or being dependant on a man or society.

Many people have stigma against children growing up in single parent homes, and believe that they cannot do as great as those growing up with both parents. But once the parent has that drive like my colleague Oliva Andrews to make a difference in your generation and ensure that cycle does not repeat itself, I know it would be a better tomorrow. I see women who are in these situations as phenomenal beings, because it takes greater strength and spirituality to rise above.

Bless